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Wednesday, August 31, 2005


As usual, I was early for the day. I went to the Vince’s plastic plant to check on my program. So far, I’m happy about it and I’m getting myself ready for my next project with them.

After the day’s work, I was again thinking of getting myself a haircut. I just can’t get myself into combing my hair that’s why I just dry it off and wear my cap.

Anyway, after getting through all the thinking, Lé just showed up and helped me decide. We just went to the barbershop and I got my haircut. *wink

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Blue Monday

I love Monday. No work! I just stayed at home and had my rest. This is the best.

Anyway, I got myself a new webcam and I got my PC refreshed. I guess I just have to save some for additional sticks of memory.

Nothing much at this time…I just have to have more rest.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Mama's Birthday, etc.


I have never touched my computer since Friday. I was very much occupied with some things. I had my visit to my orthodontist. I had Ma’am Grace’s computer checked and Rocky asked me to install their new DVD-ROM drive at Avenue S. Again, I stayed there until I got myself exhausted. I was again on drinking mode and I just can’t imagine how my tolerance on alcohol has changed my drinking habit.

I went home at about 3 AM Sunday and went to bed at about 4:30 AM. I was about to sleep when mama asked me to talk about our thing with my father’s family. It was just an issue being raised by them about us being passive on their family affairs. Well, since we are that “passive”, then it’s not on my thing to exert some effort on it. I just have to get my sleep.


I woke up at 9 AM to have something for mama on her birthday. We just had some grocery at NCCC and had lunch at Mandarin. It was also nice of Auntie Paquit to call mama on her birthday to have her greetings. She also told me of getting me some new board shorts on her next package. I’m just excited about it.

Anyway, Auntie Nene, Auntie Cedes and my cousins Sunshine and Sugar and an unexpected guest, Nang Mercedes were here. Nang Cedes was the old lady back in grade school who is fond of getting to someone else’s palm for palm reading. I was again surprised on what she said about my future. I was just happy about it and I hope things would turn out that way.

So much for now as I’ll get to prepare for tomorrow. Holiday as it would be but I just have to continue working.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Movies and Bugs

I’m very happy that my program has been doing well and the user is getting the feel of it. I just hate it when users tend not to follow instructions and create bugs not related to the system. You know, users can also be bugs and it’s the hardest bug since I just can’t debug and modify changes.

After all those things, I was able to watch two movies with Lé. We were able to watch “The Great Raid” and “Bewitched”. Those two were nice and we really enjoyed watching those movies. We are also planning to watch “The Longest Yard” which will be shown next week.

Anyway, I’ll be having a very busy Saturday. I have to get a new webcam, help Ma’am Grace on her computer, visit my orthodontist and finish some paper works. I really hope that things will go my way and have a very good sleep. That’s all I need for now.

Friday, August 26, 2005

What a day!!! :)

Getting to the process of getting to the process is a very tedious task. I’m patient but when someone gets to my nerves, I just have to transcend and tell myself to be more patient. I just have to rationalize things just to get the grip of the situation. People are people and I just can’t impose what I want on a certain situation. Compromising is hard and it’s a nice experience when all of what I have seem to be consumed by people I hardly get along with.

Anyway, I’m happy that things are getting to its realization and I’m excited to move forward to my next project. I must say that I am sort of relieved and learned so much from this experience. I’m pretty much laid back, passively active and somewhat matured to my actions. Is this the effect of getting older? How I wish I could remain youthful and get wiser.

I also find it funny when people I hardly knew or just met tend to talk about my eyes and nose. I’m really uncomfortable with my female friend who tries to dig the topic. I’m just glad that “Strong Ice” helps me numb those senses. *sigh

I’m also hooked with Pinoy Big Brother. I was also thinking about getting to their next audition and try living on that situation. I just find it interesting and I must say, I’m hooked to this show.

My ears are all for Spineshank this day. I’m just feeling their music and I just love the ringing in my ears. So loud, heavy and melodic.

Hmmm. It’s also nice being kissed on a simulated environment with passion…Yayayyyy!

And...Happy Birthday to my friend, Felisa a.k.a. Tata. Just enjoy and God bless. :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

hmmmmm :)

I just got home from Avenue S. I was able to fix their PC and I'm happy about it. We had some beer, some food and of course, some chat.

I just like the way things have been doing.

Anyway, so much for now. I just have to get some sleep. :)


Tuesday, August 23, 2005



Finally, I was able to “Photoshop” my pictures. I had my pictures scanned ages ago and had it on CDs. With so much boredom, I was quick to find and edit my grade school graduation picture. Not a pro but I’m happy with the result. :)

A Special Story of Love

I got this from Jennifer a.k.a. Mama Sarah. SHe's my high school friend. It's nice of her to forward me this story.

Anyway, I also like it to share here in my site.


Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the
way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael,
prepare for a new sibling. They found out that the new baby was going
be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his
sister in Mommy's tummy. He was building a bond of love with his little
sister before he even met her.

The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen. In time, the labor pains
came. Soon it was every five minutes, every three, every minute. But
serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in
hours of labor. Would a C-section be required?

Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was born. But
she was in very serious condition. With a siren howling in the night,
the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at
Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee. The days inched by. The little
girl got worse. The pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very
little hope. Be prepared for the worst. Karen and her husband contacted
a local cemetery about a burial plot. They had fixed up a special room
in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having
to plan for a funeral.

Michael, however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister.
"I want to sing to her", he kept saying. Week two in intensive care
looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over. Michael
kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in
Intensive Care. Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or
not. If he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her

She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He
looked like a walking laundry basket. The head nurse recognized him as
child and bellowed, "Get that kid out of here now.
No children are allowed." The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the
usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head
nurse's face, her lips a firm line, "He is not leaving until he sings
to his sister" she stated. Then Karen towed Michael to his sister's

He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. After a moment,
he began to sing. In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael
sang: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when
skies ar e gray." Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond. The pulses
rate began to calm down and become steady. "Keep on singing, Michael,"
encouraged Karen with tears in her eyes.
"You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my
sunshine away."

As Michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing
became as smooth as a kitten's purr. "Keep on singing, sweetheart."

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my

Michael's little sister began to relax as rest, healing rest, seemed to
sweep over her.

"Keep on singing, Michael." Tears had now conquered the face of the
bossy head nurse. Karen glowed. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
Please don't take my sunshine away..."

The next, day...the very next day...the little girl was well enough to
go home.

Woman's Day Magazine called it The Miracle of a Brother's Song. The
medical staff just called it a miracle. Karen called it a miracle of
God's love.


Monday, August 22, 2005

After a day's work :)

After a days work, I’m sort of exhausted. Avenue S’ CPU has been fixed, my files on my PC has been backed up and I was also able to do some emails. I’m also happy that I was able to help some friends on their assignment at school and at work. After all, what Baden-Powell has said, “The real way to get happiness if by giving happiness to other people”… It’s a nice feeling. I am also gaining new friends from it.

I’m almost done with my program at SAMULCO. It’s bad of me not to work on it on time but thank God I did it so fast. So fast that I could compare it to Metallica’s Disposable Heroes.

I was also able to play with Kira this afternoon. She’s so young and so strong. She likes the rope and likes to jump. It’s my favorite when she jumps for the rope and over and between the cages. Her bulky active body and the happiness that she radiates, it’s heaven for me. *sigh.

Anyway, I have changed my playlist on my iPod. Out Ill Niño and In Marilyn Manson. I also got some old Live, Tonic, Better Than Ezra, Collective Soul, Fountains of Wayne, Gin Blossoms and U2. It’s nice to hear some songs I’ve grown with.


I just woke up and my computer is not working the way I expect it to work. I’m using Avenue S’ CPU as I’m trying to fix mine beside me.

It was fine when I was done at 5 am this morning. I just have to back up everything. *sigh

Anyway, I hope everything will be fine.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Finding my sanity

It’s Kadayawan here in Davao and it’s about time for me to exhaust all the pressures that I had for the past weeks.

I decided to get out after dinner and went to PTA to find some things for myself. I’ve seen some shops with some ethnic goods. I was fascinated with some necklaces but when I tried getting to its details, it was of Scandinavian origin. I just can’t imagine how it got through the festivities. I just find it funny when some people who try to get into the roots tend to get into something they hardly knew.


Anyway, I was again getting “random” with my cell phone. I was able to get Jane to come with me to go to Avenue S to have some beers. Rocky, Eide, Franco and his girlfriend were there. It was boring but it has helped me forget some things that might keep me insane.


So far, I’m sort of relieved from loneliness.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

*sigh...what in blue hell

I had two boy-girl relationships in my life. First was a three week period and the second was, I was a “spare tire”

At first, my relationship with my first girlfriend was a result of an internet to phone friendship. We were cyber friends until the day she showed up and formalized the relationship.

It was fun. We were happy. We do things together. We laugh together. We were just being ourselves to each other. It was cut short when we parted ways and the relationship faded away. There was no formal break up. Maybe because we were far away to each other that things just don’t work between us.

After three years, I was able to meet someone who is very pretty but was having trouble with her boyfriend that time. Being friendly, I was an instant “all that” to her. Knowing her situation, I was being civil but began to fall for her. We ended in a secret relationship.

Just like in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, we care for each other, do things together and are with each other when needed. It was heaven but was really hard when you do things in secret. Conflicts started to grow until she grew passive to our relationship and called it quits. I was at her mercy when I want to be with her. She has to always check her availability…when she’s free from her bf.

I know it’s not the thing that should be but we were hoping that things would just go between us and work on it. I was stupid.


After those relationships, I moved on and started to find my happiness. At first, I tried not to be conscious about it with the thought of “it would just come if it’s meant to be” idea. Nothing happened about it and I grew impatient. Again, the plan has been changed.

I’ve been to progressive dates and sometimes, fall to the girl. The thing is, I always end up being alone at the end of the journey.

There was when I picked the wrong signals from a girl that I really thought that she was also for me… that I’m not boyfriend material…”Can we be friends?”. Then there was also this thing about my height. I’m comfortable with it until another girl told me about her preference to tall guys. You know, the line, “You are very fine, you are smart, funny and any girl would fall for you but you’re not tall.”


This world is so cruel to me. It was really hard dealing those situations. My self-esteem has dropped that I began to collect caps just to feel secure while I’m out trying to find my sanity in every thing that I do. I morphed into a grade A metal freak just to fill in unoccupied feelings within me. A friend even told me that I’m getting mean to myself and to her. That I sour grape sometimes. I’m just sorry about that.

*sigh. I hate thinking about the transformations but I just have to hold on something just to find my sanity. It hurts. I’m just a sore loser but things have to be learned. Things have to happen and things have to be rationalized.

I have to move on. I have to be kind to myself.

At this moment, I’m trying to find hope. I’m getting my eyes to someone. She’s kind; she’s pretty and a very beautiful being. She knows how to communicate, she knows how to laugh and she is interesting.

It’s a nice thing to think about. I’m always looking forward for her calls, her texts and the conversations.

But, I’ve learned my lessons. That I don’t have to expect too much from it…that I should expect the worst … that I should be ready to be dumped…

So cruel but it’s my world. *sigh

Friday, August 19, 2005

...sweet :)

*sigh. The best things in life come in unexpected times

I was just online to do routine tasks until I met someone who likes to talk on the phone.

It was sweet. The conversation was really fun. It was like a trip to the memory lane. We were talking about our pasts. I admit it, I was really hooked to this lady. I really feel comfortable with her. We were talking like we’ve know each other for some time. How I wish I could meet her soonies.


Anyway, as promised, I’m getting some mp3s for her.


Thursday, August 18, 2005

"Highway To Hell"

I’m on a “Highway To Hell”. I got AC/DC’s 25 years of albums in my iPod (1975-2000).

• 1975 - High Voltage (Australia)
• 1976 - T.N.T. (Australia)
• 1976 - High Voltage
• 1976 - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (Australia)
• 1976 - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
• 1977 - Let There Be Rock (Australia)
• 1977 - Let There Be Rock
• 1978 - Powerage
• 1978 - If You Want Blood You've Got It
• 1979 - Highway To Hell
• 1980 - Back In Black
• 1981 - For Those About To Rock We Salute You
• 1983 - Flick Of The Switch
• 1984 - '74 Jailbreak
• 1985 - Fly On The Wall
• 1986 - Who Made Who
• 1988 - Blow Up Your Video
• 1990 - The Razors Edge
• 1992 - Live
• 1995 - Ballbreaker
• 1997 - Bonfire
• 1997 - Live From The Atlantic Studios
• 1997 - Let There Be Rock The Movie - Live In Paris
• 1997 - Volts
• 2000 - Stiff Upper Lip

I just have to switch to classic rock….Eeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww!

DSL, friends and music

I’ll be getting myself a DSL connection here at home. I just have to get PLDTs promo of P 999/month with 256 kbps. This is reasonable for us since mama and I are hardcore pre-paid internet card users.

My friend told me that we’ll be having the connection on Saturday and we’re excited about it. Hmmm. That would be lots of mp3s, videos and information for our disposal. Hehehe. My first task would be metal music from the past and present. I just have this long list of my favorite bands and I hope to get them on my iPod. That would be very nice to my ears.

I am also happy to meet Judemar and communicate with Sherwin. These are my brothers in music. Both of them are virtuosi. I really miss the times when we just play the songs that we like.

This is really my dream, to play again with my friends. This is the best feeling. How I wish this would be sooner.

Hopefully, this year, I can get myself an electric guitar. I just have to finish some things with my work and continue in playing some music.

And also, I thank my friends for the greetings. God bless to all of you :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

My birthday as it should be

The greatest gift that I had for my birthday was… I was able to get a very good sleep. I’m very much recharged and I’m back to what I am supposed to do with so much enthusiasm.

I woke up at about 11am and did some emails. I also got some text messages of greetings and a call from Mika. I’m very happy and pleased that some of my friends were able to greet. I am really blessed to have them.

I also went to church to give thanks to God for the blessings that He has for us and to remember Nanay on her death anniversary. My faith has been strengthened and I’ve never been happy and secured with Him.

Of course, a birthday wouldn’t be complete without ice cream. I got my favorite mango flavored ice cream to share it with my family. We were so happy sharing the food… just like what I imagined for my day.

Rocky, whose birthday is the same as mine, also invited me to Avenue S for his celebration. I wish I was able to get into the picture but I’m just happy staying at home. Maybe a next time would do.

A nice way to celebrate my birthday :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Happy birthday to me :)

I just woke up and I have to do some emails. I feel so refreshed and I have to finish some tasks before I do some things for myself.

Hmmmm, it’s my birthday today and I’m happy that I’m still alive. Yehey! I don’t know what’ll it be later but I just have to take things lightly.

So much for now as I need some sleep. :) Thank you Lord :)

Monday, August 15, 2005

...busy :)

This has been a very busy day for me. I have never slept for 32 hours. I did some fine tuning on the program for Vince’s plastic plant and I’m very happy that my program has served its purpose. This is the best feeling so far.

I’m also excited on my next project with him. I’ll be doing a payroll program and hopefully do a biometric setup with it. It is almost the same thing with my next project with SAMULCO.

Next month, I’ll be joggling between projects. I don’t know how to deal with it but I know God will help me do those things. I know, God is unfolding His graces to us. He is so kind and I’m just thankful for that.

Anyway, few hours from now would be my birthday. Thank you Lord for another year and another chance to be of service to You.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Fine tuning, Ricky and Durian

I’m still doing some final modifications to the program for Vince’s plastic plant. I hope it’ll turn out fine as I try to fine tune it.

Anyway, I had a talk with my cousin Ricky and I’m glad that we understand each other. He has his accent and it’s nice to comprehend on the words that he tried to say. It’s a preview on what Australia is. Hehe.

We also had durian this afternoon and I just can’t imagine how our appetite made through all those fruits. We consumed about an average of 9 seeds. *sigh

So much for that as I’ll resume doing my thing.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Plain Saturday

I had a presentation with Alex at SAMULCO for their Polyclinic system. I am happy that he was ok with it and I now have time to get into details of my program with Vince’s.

My birthday is getting soon. I don’t know what to do if I’ll just treat it as an ordinary day or just have a party atmosphere. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll just get the feel of it and do whatever I might get into.

Right now, I’m craving for flame grilled burgers. I just have to finish some things here and I’ll check some DVDs at Victoria Plaza. My friend told me that he was able to get a copy of “The Longest Yard”. I hope to get one for myself.

Friday, August 12, 2005


It’s very hard being the “Kuya” of the family. I’m not a very good person and there’s no way in hell that I could be a saint. I know it’s also nice to be bad but I have to be good…for my friends, for myself and for my family.

It’s really hard to reaffirm the goodness that has to radiate within me everyday. It takes much of an effort and I just can’t stand to overlook the whereabouts of my siblings. I’m liberated but I don’t want my siblings to get into trouble. I just hate being the “bad ass” of their eyes. *sigh

Anyway, I’ll talk to them later and I hope God will find a way to make things better between us.

As for now, I’m into “Alice In Chains”. It’s so nice in my ears.

Thursday, August 11, 2005



Have you ever been in a situation that is inevitable enough to forget your ideals?


I was caught unaware of the kiss that I got from a friend last night. I wasn’t able to react. I was a dimwit.


Her mouth was like Mick Jagger’s. I was almost swallowed and in heaven’s name, I forgot what the world has more to offer. It was like a scene in a movie. All that I liked and all that I wanted was spoiled in that very moment. I don’t know if it would be nice to kiss my dream girl soon. It was a massacre.

Ngorkkk! Ptoooo^!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Thank you Lord. :-)

Thank you Lord for the graces. I don’t understand your plan but I know things will go the way good things do. I’m just thankful of the opportunities. Thank you again my Lord.

getting to my nerves

Again, my “friend” has her thing again for me. She "misses" me and she wants me to call her…on her cellphone.


There’s a landline and she just wants me to get on the cellphone. I just don’t know the joy that she gets on it but I find it very costly and irritating. If she really is my “friend”, she would pick up the phone and call me on landline.

Anyway, I just had a straight face for her and tried to ignore it. Is she trying to annoy me or what? I hope she’ll end up on a realization.

I also have to play with Boo and Kira tomorrow morning as I miss them so much.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Get Physical

My decision to get myself into shape was a very hard one. I jogged last Sunday at 4 PM and my body still hurts. I know how to do this the right way but my body just can’t get into the right track. Maybe, I just have to have some adjustments and I am hoping to get things right soon.

I am also thinking of jogging with Kira or Boo. I know it would be fun but I just have to be prepared for this would require much of my strength and my ability to control them. My dogs are still very young and they act like little kids who like to explore and play.

Monday, August 08, 2005


I’m not “All That” and never in blue hell that would happen. I just find it annoying when somebody whom you never met but relatively “close to each other” because of texting, seem to be possessive. She wants me to text and call her on a periodic basis, just to know each other’s statuses. What in the blue hell is that supposed to mean?

I’m not a texter and I only call on my cellphone when needed. I usually do emails and do my calls on landline. And I can use a P 300 prepaid card for 2 months. With the country’s situation, I just find impractical to do such a thing when you can use the landline. And I’m not a thermometer to be monitored on a periodic basis.

I’m not rude but she begins to irritate me. She wants me to stay in contact with her… ALWAYS. Even if the last text that I’ve sent was in her inbox for 3 hours. She also asks too many questions with an answer that she has on her mind that she expects me to answer. I also have my life and my life doesn’t only revolve around her. I have my work, my family, my friends and my dogs. And I’m not the perfect being that has to be possessed by someone. I can be a sick bastard who is ready to fire bullets on anybody’s sick business.

If she reads this, I hope she’ll be on a realization. If not, I’ll be happy to go on with my life.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Conquering the demon in me

I’m sort of getting into my former self. I was able to get out with a refreshed outlook. It was like a race track. I just went straight to my things. No distractions, No emptiness.

Metal music really helped a lot and the attitude that comes with it will be my thing for the next few days.

Of course, I also thank God for His Divine Help. I was able to offer some candles at Sta. Ana Parish and asked for His guidance. He really is the Great Provider.

Anyway, I’m getting myself to jog tomorrow at 5 AM. I just have to get back into shape.

Friday, August 05, 2005

What’s with being empty?

For the past days, my struggle for filling the void within me was such an effort. Everywhere I go and wherever my eyes would reach, I could see myself as the loneliest being. Why in the blue hell should I undergo such an ordeal?

I’m trying not to get conscious about it but things just try to get into me. It’s always an “In Your Face” approach. I just want the loner that I was… where I could be passively active to any of the things that I would do… where I could just be happy and contented with my things… where I could just ignore being the loneliest being at the end of the day.

But I’m not getting younger. Most of my friends are married and the rest has their own girlfriends. It was ok being with them but this demon within me creeps like hell… that I’m a sore loser who is dying to have someone in my arms, in my mind and in my heart.

Anyway, I’m still hoping that I’ll get over it. Should I sing “Let It Go” by Tonic, “The Day I Tried To Live” by Soundgarden or just blast “Triad” by Tool?

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Overcoming emptiness

My braces hurt my teeth. I’m still getting the feel of it and I hope I could adjust soonies.

I’m sort of overcoming this feeling of emptiness for the past few hours. Thanks to the music that fuels unoccupied feelings within me. I’m slowly changing my playlist to some grunge and of course, old school rock and metal. I have some Motorhead, AC/DC, Trivium, Soilwork, Shadows Fall, Dimmu Borgir, Alice In Chains, Black Crowes, Dream Theater, Nine Inch Nails, Godsmack, Guns ‘N Roses, Nirvana, Hatebreed, Helmet, Killswitch Engage, Lamb Of God, Arch Enemy, Cradle Of Filth, Megadeth, Metallica, Mudvayne, Soundgarden and The Wallflowers.

I’m also excited to my new project with Davao Whitewater Adventure. I’ll be doing their website and do some pictorials with them. At last, I can do rafting and get the feel of the waters. This would be very fun.

I also thank Yanni for giving her time talking to me last night. She was such a sweetheart and I really like having conversations with her. She’s a big help in filling the void within me. Naïve yet wild.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

empty again

This is my third day of having this empty feeling. I just can’t get myself out of this thing. I’m trying not to be conscious with it but when I’m idle, this thing just clouds my thoughts. *sigh

Anyway, I had my braces checked and my orthodontist replaced my upper elastics to “chain”. I have no choice but to tolerate the pain. It’s been months since my last chain.

Later this evening, I’ll finish archiving my files. I hope it’ll be done without “coasters”.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

:) hmmmmmmmm


At last, I now have a breathing space. I’ll be coming back at the Plastic Plant on Monday to finalize things. Yes!

Not much pressure at this time.

I can now backup my files and mp3s and have my PC restored to its optimum state. I’ll also visit my dentist tomorrow as I am 9 days late of schedule because of my work and her family reunion. I also have to finalize some things at SAMULCO and make my program work for them.


Monday, August 01, 2005


I don’t know but things in my life have been so boring. I’ve been to the same computer thing, doing some programs and getting into a cyber relationship.

What’s with my life now? I’m just a sore loser trying to get a life on the net which I can’t get from the real world.


I feel so empty…